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Archive for July, 2009

How do you heal

I woudl love to get more feedback on what healing tools you have found effective in you life. Please share.

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I had a revelation today that I need to be the best me I can be and that I have not spent my time following that advice. I have been the best programmer in my group, I have been the best QA analyst in my factory and I have been the best project manager in my company. Yet none of these are me. There is always someone better at these things that I am not truly, that do not truly re present me.

However there is some one thing at which I will be the best around. Not for the glory of being the best but for the need to be the best version of myself. I have spent quite a bit of time conforming and becoming a provider and a protector to the best of my ability to serve others in my life. As such I have owned 5 houses and moved 9 times in 15 years, but none of those choices were my own, they were spurred on by others.

Today I vow to myself to discover what I am best suited to do not for others but for myself.

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So often it is comforting to believe untruth. After all we have been encouraged by our life’s course and all we meet in it to continue to believe something we feel in our heart to be false. We rarely want to find out that we were wrong. Yet we are uneasy in our life and we feel we need another path.

Interestingly we know something is wrong because we have an internal battle between that which we want/need and that which we have currently. When we struggle to keep a belief, when it is a recurring source of irritation in our lives, this is our inner knowing showing us we have an untruth to deal with.

We may not know the reason that a thing is false but we know that it is. This causes pain and we act out of our pain to fight the unreality. That which we give our attention does only grow stronger. Any attention is attention; therefore by fighting that which we seek to destroy we make it powerful.

It is very difficult to understand that we must IGNORE that which we believe currently but know to be untruth. Yet, that is the first step. We must ignore all we see of it, all we taste of it, all we smell of it, all we feel of it, all we hear of it. It means complete and utter denial towards each and every topic we know to be false. This step cannot be mentioned enough. Each time we acknowledge that which we seek to make untrue we give it renewed life.

The next step is to affirm that which we know to be true. In the beginning this will feel wrong. It feels wrong because your reality until this point has confirmed your belief. It feels wrong because you have reinforced that untruth to the point of making it true in your thoughts, actions, and environment. I will say it one last time. You have given this untruth life and this it will live until it dies from your lack of care.

Affirm that which you know to be true. This begins first in the mind. IT WILL HURT TO DO SO. This is due to the simple fact that you are growing. Your ego will not want your mind to take control of your life. Your subconscious will become confused on how to interpret the world around you. Your feelings will fluctuate. This is because you are changing how you look at the world, and changing how you act on what you see.

Affirm that which you know to be true. This will determine how you respond to everything. Each moment you must choose to respond AS IF your truth were all you ever knew. This is the real work of the effort. “IF my truth were true how would I respond to this situation?” Respond accordingly.

Finally, reject any person, event, reaction, which seeks to confirm and affirm your untruth. This final step is the one where your reality begins to align to your truth. You begin to see the world with two eyes and you have a choice to make. If affirming your truth you have learned that life is more than you first believed; now you get to make a choice.

I have told you all that you know instinctively and that which you practice moment by moment already… but now you know how to use it to your advantage.

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Forgiveness. I often wondered why anyone should forgive, does it make you powerful or weak, and does it mean you don’t care what happened or that you want more of the offense to happen to you? What is it that rises to the threshold of needing forgiveness and when does a person decide to withhold forgiveness? Have you ever thought about that? Someone can do something to you that you could care less about and yet another person would go to the point of being mortally offended and pursue the others death as reconciliation. I guess I will start by defining some key words here.

Offense n.:
a. The act of causing anger, resentment, displeasure, or affront.
b. The state of being offended.
c. A violation or infraction of a moral or social code; a transgression or sin.
d. A transgression of law; a crime.
1. Something that outrages moral sensibilities:
2. The act of attacking or assaulting.
3. An act that offends a person’s sense of pride or dignity.

So when we are offended we feel that some action taken by another sentient being has violated [To do harm to (property or qualities considered sacred); desecrate or defile] our own moral code or internal law, at least a law we have internalized. We feel attacked and assaulted, and our pride [A sense of one’s own proper dignity or value; self-respect.] and our dignity [The quality or state of being worthy of esteem or respect] is injured.

Forgive v.:
1. To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon.
2. To renounce anger or resentment against.
3. To absolve from payment of (a debt, for example).

We forgive when we stop blame and grant pardon. Additionally we cease to feel resentment against; to give up a claim on account of; to grant remission [a lessening of intensity or degree; abatement.] of an offense; to pardon.
Pardon tr.v.:
1. To release (a person) from punishment; exempt from penalty: a convicted criminal who was pardoned by the governor.
2. To let (an offense) pass without punishment.
3. To make courteous allowance for; excuse: Pardon me, I’m in a hurry. See synonyms at forgive.

Pardon n.
1. Exemption of a convicted person from the penalties of an offense or crime by the power of the executor of the laws.
2. An official document or warrant declaring such an exemption.
3. Allowance or forgiveness for an offense or a discourtesy: begged the host’s pardon for leaving early.

Now that this point is made, that we can only forgive when we choose to pardon or exempt from punishment an offense made against us, comes the real twist, the spiritual connection. Who needs the forgiveness? At the surface level it is the actor of the event. Saul stepped on your toe and so you have a choice, to ignore it (pardon) or hold on to the event (resentment) by calling him to account. At some level internally you have already made the determination of judgment; either someone stepping on your toe is offensive to you, or it is not. Thus the specific actor matters not. If you have chosen to believe that your toes are sacred and no one must violate that sanctity then anyone who does will be guilty of transgression and you will feel anger and then resentment. In all actuality until you choose to allow the offense to be pardoned, nothing the actor does will ever matter to you, you will not forgive them. You must, in order to forgive, decide that your toes are not that sacred, or that the act was not offensive due to some extenuating circumstance (i.e. your toes were not seen by the actor who was tripping and falling to the floor.). At that point you decide to exempt the actor from the penalties of the act. However are you not also releasing yourself from the effects of the act as well? What happens when you are offended? Most of us don’t really understand what it is that occurs but we have the example of the Hebrew God to review. When ever the sons of Israel offended him Jehovah would send some retribution to them, but he always sent some method to appease him, why? He wanted to end the offense as soon as the lesson was learned. Most of the time the lesson was simply for the Israelites to change their course from one that was harmful to them to one that kept them on the path to the promised land of peace. This is true in every case. The only time God was offended was when his will was challenged after his expression of it. If we look at our lives in that manner, we are given lessons to learn from and after the lesson is given we must correct our course. If we do not we will suffer the consequences. Although I used the example of a toe, rarely do we quibble over such trivialities, and definitely after we reach an age to use our cognitive skills to guide our own course. Rather we deal with what we consider much larger issues. Relationships, money, spirituality and the like are all the types of things we deal with as adults who have declared our independence. Once we are offended we should look at the lesson and say what can I learn from this and then move on! Learning bad lessons do not help us to move on rather it locks us into the wrong course, learning positive lessons does indeed cause us to move on. So if our toes are stepped on we should move them rather than insist in our right to keep them firmly where they are, we should look at the offender as Gods agent of change in our lives and we should embrace the change in the most positive of ways possible.
That which offends you is that which you should change and be thankful for the offender!

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One of the easiest truths to learn and observe from the universe in which we live is that everything is unique. We humans have the hardest time assimilating that truth however. It bothers us so much so that we tend to deny this reality with all of our being at times. Nothing is identical in this place we live. From snowflakes to “identical twins” everything in this universe is different in some manner or other. We should all learn to know and cherish this cornerstone truth; that we are by design different from every other person in the world. This knowledge is the true foundation to success in our every endeavor. To know and accept the fact that your singular abilities will bring about your own success is a reassuring knowing since it means that it cannot be taken away from you. It is in our uniqueness that we are beautiful and not in or similarities. We have been trained by the dominant thoughts of this world to conform rather than to be individuals. We have a responsibility to ourselves and the world to reject conformity and embrace the singular beauty that is ourselves. Appreciation is the key; it does no good to simply say “I am different”, until you are happy in your individuality, for it is in the myriad of differences that our contribution to the universe lies. Observe persons of note. Who plays the violin like Yitzhak Pearlman, who can innovate like Steve Jobs, who has danced like Mikhail Baryshnikov? From Alexander the Great to Frank Zappa we learn life’s lessons; it is in our singularity that we are great, not in our sameness! Find your uniqueness, cherish it, and learn to use it to benefit others and it will benefit you.

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So yesterday I was having a conversation with a friend and mentor. Honestly I was having an out breath day and needed to talk about it. it happens as I am very very human. As my friend listened I cam to my conclusions, which is why I have this particular friend as they allow me to talk until I hear myself, something I have not mastered alone yet. The conversation petered down into silence, a trademark that the topic is about to shift or we are done and I felt my solar plexus tighten up. I instantly knew that this was not my own emotion. I closed my eyes and felt the feelings. I do visualize however it is not exactly like seeing pictures but more of a knowing that I should be seeing pictures. Then I began to articulate.
Me :”My chest hurts, I have a question. Are you ready to allow this part of you to return now?”  – we are pretty tight, there is no need for a prelude or and explanation.
Them: ” My first answer is NO” – I really love that we can switch gears so fast :
I then have a frank conversation on what I am feeling and how I think it is relevant to them. I surmise that unlike the soul retrievals I have read about, this part was purposely exiled it didn’t simply leave. Interestingly enough I am given an age at which this had occurred. I suggest that even thought they are not quite ready to allow full integration they should allow a partial one on a daily basis , perhaps one hour a day until they feel more comfortable.
My chest begins to relax.
We discuss some more things about the results of the decision made so long ago and my shoulders begin to ache bad.
Me:” Don’t feel so responsible for what you did so long ago, it wont help the situation now, it will only hinder your growth”
The shoulders relax slightly. I then share a theory of mine.
We pick our birth circumstances so that we must endure our largest pains while we are helpless to prevent it!  I feel this is true because if we were to encountered any of the stuff most of us endured as children in our adult lives we would avoid the lesson one way or another. Since the soul is here for growth we must learn to grow.
Shoulders relax completely.
Most of this has been a one way conversation.
I have a final “knowing” and it seems very odd to me yet I also don’t withhold information, I make one last suggestion…..
BLIND PANIC.
Wow, and I thought I knew this person. It is going to be their decision, however I suggest they do it sooner rather than later.
We fall  into a new silence.
I ask how they feel, they admit to having been present and active the whole time. We are over 200 miles away and I had never tried something like that at that distance, however since distance is a physical construct I didn’t allow that to stop me.
I notice that I feel better than I have all day. I realize that I too needed to deal with a similar issue and we were both healed in the process.

I love being me.

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