Archive for June, 2009

I was thinking yesterday and an idea of how the law of attractions works came to me. Think about it this way. Imagine that  you place a magnet on a frictionless floor and lock it down. now scatter all sorts of debris on this floor, straw, dirt, iron filings, water, hair, you get the general idea.. We know that a magnet will radiate lines of force in proportion to its own strength. so objects within it field that are of its type are going to be affected and Other object outside its field will not be. Invariably some objects that are not of its type will also be swept along with the  attracted substance simply because it is in the way. Once the magnet attracts everything within its lines of force it is done, finished, it cannot pull anymore. Additionally the detritus that is collects will also reduce its pull.

We spirits in human form are very much like that.

This example tells me two things.

1. I will only attract in proportion to my lines of force.

2. Detritus will reduce my ability to pull things in.

So what can I do about this natural order of things? Fortunately I am not a limited chunk of iron magnet. I have the ability to plug in to an infinite source of power and increase my attracting power. I can become an electromagnet if you will. This will increase my pull. In this case the connection to the universe is what will power me so I would have to learn the universal laws that allow this joining. Secondly I can attune my field. Not only to attract specifically what I want, but to a very large extent to repel that which I do not want. This takes discipline and effort but it is possible.

An interesting side effect of attuning myself  is like attracts like, however unlike will be pushed aside. This is where I get to see how many things I assumed to be different are really the same as I see more and more events, persons, places, and things disappear form my grasp. Here is where I need to learn to allow because if I re-attune to attract something I was repelling trying to hold on to it I will get more of what I don’t want. So when I see things leaving my reality, that I dint expect, I have to let them go


I know I will revisit this idea in the future, I just wanted to get it out now, it felt right


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So many times in our lives, we go thru the motions of activity without understanding the purpose behind the activity. Many of you are probably at some form of work, you chose that line of work for a purpose, and everyone has their own reason for doing what they do. However, have you taken the time to decide if you are still doing what you are doing for the same purpose? As life unfolds many of us “keep on, keeping on” because we don’t realize or don’t want to realize that we have choices. Free will gives us the choice. Why do we do what we do? Many researchers have asked that question and the basic answer is the same. We take action for one of two reasons. Firstly, we act to avoid pain. We move our hands away from a hot stove because we do not like the sensation of burned hands. We stop associating with people whose actions we react to in a less than healthy manner. We experience something that causes us to evaluate and say “ouch” and we try not to repeat the experience. The second reason we take action is to achieve pleasure. We buy flowers for our loved ones to experience their smile and feelings of appreciation, to which we react with feelings of joy. We hold a door open for others because that is “good manners” and we allow ourselves to feel good about ourselves because we took that action. We exercise to achieve a state of health and to raise our self-esteem because we look and feel better as a result. Therefore, we have the two choices of pain or pleasure. Are you taking actions to increase your pleasure and reduce your pain? Is it possible that you are not paying attention to those two factors when you take action? Life would be so much more satisfying for you and for the others you interact with if you make that thought more prominent in your life. Learn to live more deliberately.

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So today I was ready and it was going to happen. I was going to make and consume my Liver and Onions. I had been putting it off all week since I was on an intellectual fast and so had changed my diet to match somewhat (nothing too conscious in my diet). As I awoke from my nap I turned on my manifestation generator (mind) and gave it a simple command. “Manifest Liver and Onions”

As I entered the kitchen I notice that it was in the same state I left it last night (odd how that happens). So I began to get the place ready to manifest Liver and Onions.

Empty Dishwasher; Fill Dishwasher; Start Dishwasher; Clean Counter

Make Tea (what am I going to drink while cooking)

Prep food; Cook food; Plate food

WHEW all that for Liver and Onions??? Then it dawned on me, yes all that for liver and onions. 

When I first heard of the law of attraction, I felt that I had endured so much in my life that I was due some dividends and so had a hard time reconciling what I had in my life with what I felt I deserved based on how difficult things had been for me. Now I am beginning to see that not all actions are connected. For instance, just because of my hard childhood I cannot expect to receive an easy adulthood. It takes actually creating a vision and then working toward that vision. This is how I know I have matured from that point in my life where I felt I was owed some nebulous greatness simply for living. The Universal Law will not reward me for enduring it will reward me for my actions, nothing more nothing less.

Stay in the present moment and create a vision of the future, that is what I did this afternoon and what I intend to do each and everyday. I can do it, I will do it, and I have done it.


PS. Yes i could have simply driven to the local Longhorns and purchased liver and onions. but where would the fun be in that?

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Love thyself

An of the oft repeated lessons in spirituality is the need to love others AS you love yourself. This has been an idea that I have struggled to learn and still have a ways to go before I master it myself I think. 

A certain spiritual teaching admonishes us to love our wives,  our enemies, our children,  our neighbor, and the divine as well as we love our self. I always had trouble understanding that because my specialty was loving everyone much more than I loved myself. I excelled at bending over backwards and supporting everyone around me. It was only when my life began to truly spiral out of control that I was able to begin to glimpse the wisdom of loving myself equally to all others. This began with my then unknown desire to mature.

For 13 years I did everything I could to support and protect and love my wife with an intensity that ultimately burned me out. We actually had both known for years that the thing that needed to be done was to separate, however my “love” for her caused me to deny her and myself the very thing that was the most loving to do.  We both needed to mature and grow in our own ways, we knew for years that she needed to live on her own to experience life as her own person. She didn’t want to be alone in this big “scary” world and I had taken a vow to “love, honor, and cherish till death do us part.” So we sat there with that knowledge for over 8 years doing nothing about it. I continued to provide everything she needed for life, and she kept living off what I could provide. I built this very nice isolated nest for her to hide from the world in while I was slowly dying from the stress and strain. I was dying literally as my health was totally drained by caring for her , I was dying financially as her needs demanded more and more from me to hide from the world. and I was dying spiritually as I oft repeated “my God, my God why have you forsaken me.” I saw no way out of the situation; however one day I had had enough and could not carry the load one step further. This was when I made a decision to love me. Actually at the time I didn’t know it was a decision to love myself, I could not have defined it that way at that time. I saw it as giving up and being too tired to deal with it anymore. I forced a divorce, as she kicked and screamed ( quite literally), and in my final gasp of the old love I had for her, did the best I could to make certain she had all she needed to face the big bad world she so greatly feared.

Love for self has compelled me thru many new experiences in which I am able to begin regaining my health, learn different ways of managing my money, and most importantly learn that it was I who had forsaken God not the other way around. The divine is only able to assist me when I let her do so. and for so many years I felt that I had to be the one with all the everything. all the strength, all the time, all the money, all the all. Love for self allows me to realize that I am not the divine , I am simply a person doing the best he knows how until he learns better.

Today I spend more time contemplating if things are good for me, if they show love and honor for me. From time to time it feels wrong, it feels “selfish” and yet I know from experience that loving myself is all that will make me a valuable member of any relationship. and so I honor that as best I can, and when I don’t… I love myself anyway!


Two years after the divorce my ex-wife called me out of the blue to apologize for all the pain and sadness we went thru as a couple and to tell me that she understood only at a distance how much I had done during our marriage. She also told me that while she was not yet happy ( life is still very hard for her) she does feel better taking care of her own self. I wish her the best in her new life. I truly do.

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Today I was reminded of a couple of things I knew but tend to forget

 1. Children are closer to the Divine that their adult counterparts ( unless said adults are very disciplined)

2. Children do not tend to hold on to disappointments

I was reading today and came across the idea for what seems like the bazillionth time. Children are closer to the Divine because their minds are not limited yet by the structure that will be super imposed on them. It is only when adults force them to “grow up” that they begin to fall from grace. What this means for me is that I need to continue to remove the imposed structure from my life. Since I am aware that what is currently in my mind can never be erased only moved to obscurity this means I need to begin a steady diet of creating a new order to live by. I must dwell daily on things that make me more who I choose to be. For me this will mean setting aside more time than I felt willing to set aside in the past, however today I realize in a new way that I am worth the effort. Next item on the list. Have you ever told a child no or seen a child told no. Oh yes they will resist for a time specified by each child’s personality yet at some point they acquiesce and then they FORGET ABOUT IT. Now this is a generalization but I bet if you were to ask that child the next day if they remember the thing they wanted so much they would not be able to tell you, and guess what, they are for the most part happy. Personally I have noted that the things that make me feel the need to grow are the things I am holding onto. Again for the bazillionth time I have to continuously bring these things back to mind.

Each day I get closer to the goal of maturing.

And each day I thank the divine for her patience. This does let me know he cares.

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Some of you may have heard that healing is like peeling an onion wherein you find layers and levels of things. While that may be an apropos descriptions it has worn fairly thin with me. This afternoon I decided that it is much more like a rocket ship blasting off with multiple stages. After all we are star stuff so why not return to the stars.

I have recently turned the page of a chapter of healing and wonder of wonders I recognize it to be so. and I am looking forward to the next chapter. I can tell you this has been 3 years in the making. me grumbling about how much I hate the process, “DAMN the PROCESS” being my general refrain) . Now i look forward with anticipation to determine just how much growth I will accumulate in the next chapter.


Viva la Difference

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Nosce Te Ipsum

  My purpose in writing this blog is to reach out to my perfect people ( to borrow and phrase) and help them to reach maturity faster than they would have if I kept silent. By maturity I mean the ability to recognize what is and what is not and act accordingly. Personally, I spent too much time seeing what was and interpreting that thru my deletions distortions and generalizations so that in the end I chose to perceive what I wished to see, much like a child who is blissfully unaware that toys cost money and parents do not have an infinite supply, so they cry when they don’t get their way. For the most part I am thru that childish stage of my life, It is a struggle to stay ahead of my inner brat, one I take on thankfully. I have the tools and will not allow that child within to dictate my reality for long when he does misbehave.

 I thumbnail sketch of me so that you know where I am coming from. I will attempt to keep the details out so that as many people as possible can relate. This is not about comparison, I am way past needing to tout my specific pain. For the first 17 years of my life I lived in the most oppressive place in America, my parents house. My father was an extremely hard working man who was never around and so my mother ruled the home with an iron fist. I learned all I knew of the divine in a similarly oppressive religion ( which I have learned was truly only a reflection of my home life) and so learned to be estranged from not only my physical life’s source but my spiritual life’s source as well. Being no wiser at 21 than I was at 17 I married the only woman I could feel secure with, a miniature copy of my mother and spent the next 13 years wondering what I had don’t to deserve such misery. Then something happened which would change my life forever… ( and that as one of my heroes would say, is another show)

 So now you know a little bit about me. perhaps you can relate. If you can I hope I can be of some assistance to you.

 Today I want to discuss how important the following phrase has been in my growth

 Nosce Te Ipsum KNOW THYSELF

 Without self gnosis nothing I did worked. No book I read helped. No advice bore fruit. nothing mattered until bit by bit I was able to discover where I really was and who I really am.

 Today we have so many tools to help us discover the truth of who we are yet how often do we avail ourselves of these tools. I was 34 before I had a professional administer a Meyers Briggs exam to me and the only reason I did was for a resume to be written. That $300.00 expenditure truly changed my life. It was also just a start.

 What worked for me.

Knowing my astrological sign was of some help. these are personality indicators but do paint a broad canvas of people

The John Holland test taught me what work I was suited for. This was a major eye opener for me

The Meyers Briggs Indicator was also extremely enlightening

Gallup’s Strengths Finder

Finally the Enneagram for me seems to have wrap up the present of who I am all in a neat bow.

 Perhaps I will find more professionally administered tests which will reveal more about my makeup and why I do what I do. I strongly suggest that everyone learn more about themselves

 For the curious I am


John Holland: REA

Meyers Briggs Indicator: ENTJ/INTJ (double typed)

Gallup’s Strengths Finder: Learner , Intellection, Restorative, Empathy, Input

Enneagram Type Five: The Investigator

 With knowledge comes strength, be strong.

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